iStock/Thinkstock(NEW YORK) — Encouraging your partner to find love after you pass away can be a tough subject to broach, but a recent New York Times column reminded us just how common and heartwarming it can be.
Author Amy Krouse Rosenthal, who has terminal ovarian cancer, recently penned a dating profile for her husband of 26 years, Jason Rosenthal. In her “Modern Love” essay titled “You may want to marry my husband,” Rosenthal simultaneously shares that she feels it’s OK for her husband to find love after she’s gone, while listing all of his lovable qualities for a future mate.
Rosenthal noted that she wrote the column in hopes “that the right person reads this, finds Jason, and another love story begins.”
ABC News reached out to Rosenthal, who declined comment.
Harvey Max Chochinov, a professor of psychology at the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, told ABC News that although a request like this is “meant to give comfort, it also forces people to really think and wrap their minds around the reality of this person no longer being in their lives.”
For individuals who are dying and want to tell their loved ones that it’s OK for them to find love after they’ve passed away, Chochinov offered four tips to help those have that conversation.
1. This won’t be easy
Chochinov reminded those who are dying that this can be “a painful topic. And although it may offer some comfort, at the same time it may also elicit a great deal of pain. It so explicitly acknowledges that [you] will no longer be here,” he said.
2. Be direct
Chochinov said you don’t necessarily have to be very detailed, but try to be direct. In fact, you can also start the conversation by saying, “Can we talk about what your life would like after I’m gone.”
3. It’s OK if the conversation is short
“This may not necessarily be a long conversation,” Chochinov, who wrote the book “Dignity Therapy: Final Words for Final Days,” warned. “It may not be a detailed conversation. [You only really have to say] ‘You need to understand it’s OK to find happiness after I’m gone.’ It may sound pretty cryptic, but it delivers a message that lets the person know you don’t need to honor your loved one by being in a perpetual state of grief and being alone.”
4. Seek help
There are professionals who can help facilitate these conversations, Chochinov said.
“There are psychological interventions and therapeutic approaches…to help them articulate the things they want known [whether it’s] finding someone else, words or wisdom or guidance, what matters and how they want to be remembered.”
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