iStock/Thinkstock(NEW YORK) — Moms will be celebrating around the U.S. this weekend, but for some mothers it will be the very first time.
ABC News asked four moms — who welcomed their first child within the last 12 months — to reflect on new motherhood.
The women answered the same five questions about what they’ve learned, what they wish they would’ve known and what’s surprised them about their new role.
What’s the biggest thing you’ve learned about being a mother?
Ashley Gwynne, 32, of Baltimore, Maryland: “You cannot plan anything,” she began. “I had this idea that I was going to be this certain type of mother — she wasn’t going to eat that, she wasn’t going to have a pacifier. And once I had her — oh, my goodness — you can’t really plan for this. You can try, but you’re never fully prepared for it.”
Tyler-Anne Hodges, 22, of Hampton, Virginia: “You can’t really be selfish anymore. I thought that your 20s were supposed to be your selfish years,” she said, “but when you have a baby it’s not like that anymore. You have to make certain sacrifices for your baby.”
Andrea Steel, 36, Houston, Texas: “I’m a working mom … and I haven’t mastered how to balance everything yet. I kind of have to prepare myself mentally to lower my own expectations of myself work-wise to make sure I’m available to my family the way I want to be available. That took a little bit of an ego bruise. I went from being a very top associate at my law firm — I was like number one — and now I’m like number five. But it’s okay, I know where I want my number one priority to be.”
Janeria Easley, 28, of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania: “Learning to be present. This is actually something I was anxious about leading up to the pregnancy. You hear people talking about how time goes so fast … and so I really wanted to soak in the different moments, everything from when I first met him when he was born and all those infant moments.”
Did you have any misconceptions about motherhood?
Gwynne, mother of 9-month-old daughter, Harper: “I totally underestimated how hard it was. I’m a teacher. So for me, I work with kids all the time, but it’s nothing like that.”
Hodges, mother of 3-month-old son, Caleb: “I had a strict birth plan and I really thought it was going to go the way I wanted it to go. I planned to do a natural [birth,] no medicine,” she said. “I ended up having high blood pressure, I had to be induced, I didn’t dilate. He was faced upwards instead of down and I had to have a C-section. But he was healthy and I was healthy so that’s the most important thing.”
Steel, mother of 10-month-old son, Isaac: “I was very nervous that I was going to lose my freedom and I wasn’t going to be able to be selfish anymore and it scared me. But it’s so the opposite. I don’t even care. I love it! I just want to be with my kid!”
Easley, mother of 2-month-old son, Atlas: “You have all these hopes and dreams of how the baby’s going to be like. When he was born, I became much more aware that he’s definitely his own person. There was this shift. [Initially, I said,] ‘Oh, I want my child to grow up and be all these things.’ [Now,] I want him to grow up to be what he wants to be.”
Are there things you wish you knew before motherhood?
Gwynne: “Before I had Harper, I was buying everything. I listened to everybody else. I wanted to know what was trendy and even though advice is great from other moms…everything’s different for your kid. I thought I had to have these certain products because all the moms had it…and it doesn’t work like that.”
Hodges: “There’s no such thing as last minute when you have a newborn. Everything has to be planned for. I have to know in advance. Most of my friends…go to Hampton [University]. And they’ll say, ‘Come to campus today but…unless I’m already out or already doing something, he’s already packed up, I’ve already got milk…I’m not gonna make it.”
Steel: “Breastfeeding is really, really, really hard,” she said. “In the beginning … I felt like he didn’t like me and I felt like I couldn’t soothe him. I’d do all kinds of things, then my husband [Norman] would pick him up and he’d stop crying immediately. And then you start to learn. And no one can fix things like you can fix it because you’re the mom.”
Easley: “People tell you all the time that you’re not in control anymore, but I don’t think I really appreciated that.”
Have you experienced any surprising joys?
Gwynne: “Watching your kid eat and go, ‘Hmmmm.’ That’s so exciting! You get to watch her facial expressions every time she experiences something new. It’s fun to be there in the front seat with her and really watch her become her own person.”
Hodges: “How quickly he’s developed. When he first started laughing and giggling, [I asked,] ‘Is this normal for him to be laughing like this so early?’ It’s not like this was a chuckle or something, he was weak [with laughter]. His shoulders would move, like a full-on laugh. The first time I saw that I was absolutely in love.”
Steel: “Some people say that you fall in love with your kid immediately. I loved him, but when he was born I had a pretty bad infection. So when it finally hit me and I felt like I was getting better at being a mom and understand what I needed to do, I felt this overpowering feeling. It came over me — that instinctual ‘I will do anything it takes to protect my child’ feeling. It’s so strong. It’s very overwhelming, but in a good way.”
Easley: “Motherhood is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. I don’t think I expected that. You’ll be extremely exhausted, waking up in the middle of the night … but I’m surprised that I just want to sit there and hold him.”
Definitively, what’s the best thing about being a mother?
Gwynne: “You have a completely new purpose in life. It’s not about you anymore and even though it sounds horrible, again, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”
Hodges: “Just the special moments; the little things. When we’re in a room with a lot of people, he stares at me like, ‘That’s my mom! I know that one!’ I could walk around and he follows me with his eye.”
Steel: “The best thing about being a mom is you’re contributing to the world because you’re adding to the population and you’re contributing to this person something that nobody else can. Your worth and your value takes on a new meaning.”
Easley: “Everything from breastfeeding to just taking care of him. Going to college and going to graduate school just doesn’t compare to being able to take care of him.”
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